The Ambassador , Rain , Phone , Bestie , Me ..
the scene goes like this ...
Heavy rain, me sitting in my dad’s historical “Ambassador” car and crying. Another WWF match with my dad and I usually end up in the historical junk(when it rains) or my room(when it doesn’t rain). On phone is my current bestie and I’m explaining the situation and statistics with the little knowledge of my broken Malayalam words dipped in emotions I think I want to portray.
PS: my language was quite crude, to the extent my Dean used to advice me on speaking in English to avoid unnecessary drama. My tone + my thoughts + my language usually made people think that it was a shouting match.
Disclaimer : the incident is written as I felt. I’m not going to drill the other characters as to what happened . This is just like how I remember it
So back to the matter at hand.
So I’m literally telling him ” you know what … my dad hates me . I think he took me from a bin. Why else would he treat me like this? ……” Currently I don’t remember exactly which WWF match occurred (yes it happens everyday). I guess he was fed-up with my dad and his ways . the conversation then took a nose dive ::
He : ” What’s the problem with your dad ?? Is it marriage ?? if you were married will your dad stop treating you like this ?? ”
Me : “I don’t know re”.
He : “Fine, let’s get married”
Me : R u nuts ?? No way… I liked the offer but that’s not how things should be done.
He: you can divorce me once u complete your education. I won’t hold you back
Me : Thank you da, but that’s not the right way to do …
the conversation then flowed away just like any other day…
So thinking about this conversation, especially about what would have happened if I had said “yes let’s do it . When ? where ? and how ?” … I have beaten myself black and blue mentally for letting go of that situation. But my friend was a sweet person, a family person, everyone’s absolute favorite, the “it” person of any crowd. I’ve always been awed by him. His values, his persistence, his stubbornness, the style phase, the artist, the traveler…. I’m blessed to come across such a person in life. And I think that was the only reason, God put me in India. So I could come across you, try to know you, try to feel things I never knew till then…. My life had always been about me, after coming across you, I realized what a sick person I am. I’ve tried to mend my ways. I owe my friendship with my mom to you. You’ve taught me to take time to look at people around me. You have taught me what friendship was. I’ve envied you for your friends. I’ve got literally none. And the ones which I have managed to keep in life , it’s because of you. I might not get friends like you have. But I can try to be some indispensable friend to someone. Hats off to Airtel for all those insane free minutes and free messages. Otherwise I would have never known this person.
Thanks to you I met a few new emotions like jealousy and heart-break. Always know that you are one of those precious diamonds I had to let go, because you were not mine to keep. The decision was very … difficult. I know your safe and happy. And that’s all that matters . That’s what I have been telling myself all these years. And this will be exactly what I will be telling myself for my entire life.
I’ve loved you but not enough to marry you. I am, after-all, a selfish person .